....

I guess an ellipsis isn't enough to really express how exhausted mentally I am. I try hard not to really pressure myself especially when I'm quite weak-bodied as of now.

Last night, as I read Otousan's DT topic and chatted with him, I suddenly smacked my head in the wall... kidding (lame-assed joke again) I was actually close to tears. Ever since last night I've been feeling pretty bad about everything especially my existence. Also I've been feeling pretty low to te point that I want to avoid ARM as much as possible.

Why?

Maybe, whenever I go to the forum, even though I exist I feel it's not enough. Some may call that attention-seeker. I don't really think so. I've had enough attention, thank you very much. I think it's more of the emotions reeking on a certain thread.

Final answer to 'why?': I don't really know.

As much as I LOVE going there, I still feel sad. heh. Even though I chat with Jake, I still feel the same.

*sigh*

I just don't know anymore.

And this headache is KILLING me.

Jyel, Jyel

On my Playlist Today:
Jai Ho by the PCD: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vq0EtYeiHPM
Blue as the Sky - CHAKA (Card Captor Sakura)

Hoeee~ I'm caught in the fray of saying Emotion Sounds at the end of my sentence jyel, jyel~

(T T)

Also on a happier note I'm so happy that people are helping me cope with my depression and encouraging me to go back to being artistic even once in a while.

And I've been singing lately, which was a good sign according to Train-nii. And I'm happy to be collaborating with Hayden-san

Lazy-otosan(niisan, which ever he prefers) has been communicating with me quite a lot and I'm happy for that since he's like a father/brother figure I didn't have. (n n)..jyel, jyel...

On another note, MY DRAGON EGGS ARE HATCHING! *panick mode*

Genki Levels at 10%

This is what happens if I go insane: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9MA0eW8yyw

And yeah, maybe I'm trying too hard to lighten my mood but today I feeling a bit better than yesterday.

Last night I ended up watching Card Captor Sakura to try to make myself sleep, didn't work.

Next, took sleeping pills, geez they work so slow *rantrant*

Even though they worked after a few hours I was able to get some sleep......BY12 MIDNIGHT

(> <)...

I don't know how the rest of my day is going to be, probably alone (which I prefer) with my computer and PlayStation 2.

Sigh, *needstotalktoJake*

Worse

I wanna die...

I wanna die...

I don't feel alright....

I wanna cry but I can't...

I stopped listening to my songs since they make me wanna throw my Ipod to the wall especially 'Hoshiyomi'.

Boo~ and I call myself the The 78th Hoshiyomi...

My drawings are degrading, my songs are uninspiring and I have strange urges to kill myself.

I think I should go back mass drinking my anti-depressants but still what is the purpose of anti-depressants that they still make you depressed?

...and that Tatiana girl in American Idol is making it worse. >8C

Maybe I'm going back to my lonely persona *sigh*

Very Odd

I'm not really feeling well today. No, I don't have a fever or something, it's just I feel so sluggish, I don't wanna get out of bed, I'm more short-tempered than usual, jokes seem like bananas being thrown at me and such. Also my head's really heavy and I can't seem to sing very well than yesterday.

I get more than enough sleep yet I still feel this way. I didn't log-in at AIM because I might snap at some people or say bad and sharp things at them for bothering me.

Maybe because I isolated myself today I'm feeling more lonely than ever (T T)

"Fou yant gaya endia hieg enesse mea"

Boo~ I don't even know if my Hymmnos is correct anymore (T T)

As much as I don't want to worry Lazy-otosan, Train(Dexas)-nii, LOK-nii, Patricia(Linearis)-neechan, MoPo(Mei)-chan and waterlily-neechan, I still might end up worrying them if I disappear all of a sudden without a note.

Mou~~what to do?

This makes me wanna band my head on the wall 'til it bleeds so bad (T T)

Woah..

Heh finally got a blog of my own. But I don't really promise that I would update every single day though (n n")